


It Was Always You (Woke Up Sweating From A Dream)

by BronteLover



Series: Mates Verse [9]
Category: Penny Dreadful (TV) RPF, Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Anal Sex, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bottom Jared, Claiming, Explicit Sexual Content, F/F, First Time, Knotting, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Older Jared, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Rimming, Slow Burn, Step-siblings, Top Jensen, Tropes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-27
Updated: 2017-12-18
Packaged: 2019-01-06 06:04:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12205320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BronteLover/pseuds/BronteLover
Summary: Jared has pined for his younger stepbrother, Jensen, for so long that it has become difficult to remember a time when he wasn't pining. But when Jensen goes into his first rut, Jared can't bring himself not to help. Somehow he just couldn't imagine that it was going to hurt so much when Jensen didn't seem to remember.





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> The title comes from Maroon 5's brilliantly original love bop, It Was Always You.
> 
> I put the tag for underage for those of you who live in places where sixteen is underage, just so that no one got offended or upset. If the idea of step-siblings being intimate does NOT appeal to you, then adios amigo. 
> 
> I do not own that song, Supernatural or any of the people in this story, as they are autonomous human beings and belong entirely to themselves. I write these works of fiction purely for non-profit entertainment.

At the age of thirteen, as most people did, Jared presented. What was mildly surprising was that he presented as an omega. This was mildly surprising both because he was quite a tall, lanky child, which while not an entirely uncommon build for an omega, was not entirely usual either; and because there had not been an omega in the Padalecki or Jameson (his mother’s clan) family for two or three generations. His presentation did not cause any kind of upset, though. His mother, stepfather and father were all perfectly accepting of Jared’s gender. Unsurprising really, seen as all three of them were accepting, middle of the road kind of people. Jared’s stepfather, Alex, was an alpha, and while he loved sports and cars and drinking beer, and was fairly conservative in his political views, he had never once spoken about or acted inappropriately towards omegas. Sharon, Jared’s mother was a beta, and had always been liberal in her politics and had always taught Jared to be accepting of all genders. Jared’s biological father, Phillip, like Jared’s stepfather, was an alpha, and while more liberal and less sports inclined than Alex, had never been one for stereotyping or rejecting people based on their gender.

And so unlike many YA novels and films starring actors like Hailee Steinfeld or Aidan Quinn, Jared was lucky enough to have a supportive parental and educational unit, who encouraged him to be who and what he wanted to be.  
Jensen, Jared’s stepbrother, on the hand, was now sixteen and had not presented yet. The Ackles (Jensen’s father’s family) were late-bloomers, though, with Alex only presenting at about sixteen, too. And so no-one really sweated over Jensen’s presentation, nor did they try to find activities that might “fit” his yet unpresented status in order to “discover” what he might be good at as code for what he would present as.  
Jared, however, had little doubt that his little brother would present as an alpha. Jensen just had a way about him. He was neither brash nor confrontational. He had a quiet way about him, and he was pretty, quite beautiful really. But as with omegas, nothing said that alphas fit a certain predetermined mould. Jensen was authoritative, though. People naturally followed him. And despite Jared being twenty, he often deferred to Jensen in social matters. It wasn’t because Jared was weak, nor was it because he felt that he didn’t need omega rights. He enjoyed listening to Jensen, because Jensen always made sure Jared knew that everything was Jared’s choice.

Jared knew that he’d hate whoever Jensen chose as a mate. They would never be good enough for his brother. Jensen was so amazing that whoever he chose to spend his life with would have to be equally amazing. Jared felt quietly relieved that that meant it would take Jensen a long, long while to find a partner. But he also felt vaguely embittered and heartbroken (maybe not so vaguely on the second one), that that meant Jensen would never choose him either.  
Jared tried to date, but like in one of those awful nineties rom-coms, it just never worked out. On a subconscious level, perhaps on a more obvious level than that, Jared knew that he was sabotaging himself. Like some terrible masochistic idiot he was screwing up his own happiness, but he felt compelled to do so. It was as if he suffered from Berke Landers syndrome, which sadly had no cure. No one was going to suddenly sing him some magical teen popesque soft ballad that would cause some amazing revelation.  
And so Jared carried on. He attended university, and he socialised, and he _did not_ pine over his younger step-sibling. He also practiced the art of denial.

***

“Okay honey-bunch,” Sharon smiled, handing Jared the bunch of house keys. “No wild discos. Your dad and I are not that cool I’m afraid.”  
“And I don’t have enough friends for that kind of thing,” Jared shrugged.  
Sharon laughed as she hugged and kissed her sons before getting into Alex’s SUV.  
“Have fun you two,” Alex said, as he pulled away and waved in farewell.  
Jared and Jensen waved until the SUV turned onto the road and disappeared from view.  
“So,” Jared started. “What are your wild plans for the weekend, Jen?”  
Jensen shrugged, “I don’t know. I was thinking I’d stick around here.”  
“Oh,” Jared replied, pretending not to be thrilled that his usually sociable brother was staying home. “Where are Chris and Steve?”  
“Chris is away with his folks for the weekend,” Jensen returned, as he and Jared went inside. “And Steve’s brother’s visiting, so he’s got family stuff going on. Besides, I know you wouldn’t want to watch _The Skulls_ alone for the fifteenth time.”  
“That movie is an underrated classic,” Jared deadpanned. “Joshua Jackson shows real range in that role, and no one will ever convince me that he wasn't the best thing about _Dawson’s Creek._ ”  
“Whatever,” Jensen replied in a mock long suffering tone, whilst dramatically rolling his eyes. “What are you making for supper.”  
“Just spaghetti Bolognese.”  
“With homemade garlic bread?” Jensen drooled.  
“Yup,” Jared popped the _p_ as he entered the kitchen. “You can help me with all the chopping. You need to learn how to cook otherwise you’re going to starve to death as an adult.”  
“That’ll never happen.”  
“How do you know for sure, Mr Cocky McGee?”  
“Because my omega will cook for me. I’d never get together with a lousy cook, otherwise we’d die of starvation,” he joked.  
Jared’s guts clenched unpleasantly, but he hid his familiar misery with a quip, “There’s always MacDonald’s you know. Or are you scared of losing your girlish figure?”  
Jensen wiggled his eyebrows as he lifted his shirt and displayed his gorgeously defined stomach muscles, “Impossible.”  
Jared bit the inside of his lip and turned away in order to hide how affected he was by seeing even that modest suggestion of Jensen’s nudity.  
“Let’s get dinner rolling,” he said in a bid to change the subject to something less potentially dangerous. “Otherwise we’ll end up eating at midnight.”

***

Jared was worried about Jensen. While the kid had eaten like a champ as usual, polishing off two helpings of spaghetti and four healthy pieces of garlic bread, he kept blinking at the TV screen and he had a slight sheen of sweat covering his face.  
When the credits finally rolled after Joshua Jackson had discovered the seedy underbelly of ivy league secret societies, Jared got Jensen two tylenols and a glass of water. When he got to his brother’s room, Jared was concerned that Jensen was listlessly sitting on the bed. Jared set about helping the boy out of his clothes and into a pair of well worn pyjama pants, before coaxing him into taking the painkillers and getting into bed. Once that was done, he went to the bathroom to soak a wash cloth in cool water. When he returned to the bedroom, Jensen was shivering slightly, but he had kicked the covers almost down to his thighs.  
Jared passed the cool facecloth over Jensen’s chest, neck and face, all the while whispering soothingly to him. Jared hadn’t looked after Jensen since his younger sibling was twelve and had pneumonia. Jared’s presence had calmed Jensen back then, and it seemed to be doing the same thing now, as Jensen seemed to shiver slightly less, as he turned into Jared’s touch.  
When Jensen was sleeping quite peacefully, Jared went to his own bed and prepared for sleep. He set an alarm on his phone to check on Jensen in a few hours. He hoped that whatever was wrong wasn’t too serious. But something was niggling at the back of Jared’s mind. He didn’t dare acknowledge it, because that would just be too much right now.

***

Jared felt groggy as his alarm roused him from sleep. He yawned so widely as he got out of bed that his jaw clicked. He blinked as his phone displayed three thirty A.M. above the lock screen of his and Jensen pulling goofy faces. As he walked down the passage, moonlight spilling through the cracks in the curtains, he rubbed his face to rid himself of some of his fatigue. But his tiredness soon left him when he entered Jensen’s room.  
Jensen had pushed his duvet down to the foot of the bed, and had shucked off his pants so that they lay in a crumpled heap on the floor. He was currently moaning into his pillow as he humped his bed, his ass muscles tensing and relaxing as he did so.  
Jared was momentarily dumbstruck as he took in the feverish sight before him. But his nurturing instincts kicked in as he walked farther into the room, before remembering that he’d bought an anal pocket and synthetic omega slick a few months back. He’d felt horribly embarrassed at the time, and the bored sex store clerk had even raised an eyebrow at his purchase which included said items and a dildo replica of porn star Dean Smith’s rather enormous alpha cock.  
He raced back to his room to retrieve the anal pocket and fake omega slick before returning to Jensen whose skin glistened with sweat. Jared had to blink rapidly as Jensen’s heady pheromones hit him like a roundhouse kick. The smell was enough to get Jared to trickle a little bit of slick out of his hole. It was a dark smokey kind of smell, almost like those expensive aftershaves that department store clerks always spritzed in the fragrance section. But it was so so much better. Richer. Headier. More enthralling and confusing to Jared’s mind. He had to keep his mind ordered. Jensen needed him.  
“Jensen, baby,” he murmured, slipping into using the old endearment. “You have to turn over so I can help you, okay?”  
With what appeared to be a superhuman effort, Jensen turned over, his bright, glassy green gaze settling on Jared’s face.  
“Hey,” Jared smiled, holding up the omega slick and anal pocket. “These will help take the edge off, okay?”  
He didn’t know why he kept tagging okay onto the end of his sentences, but it was probably as much to seek an affirmation from Jensen as to show he wanted Jensen to be comfortable, too.  
Jensen managed to nod his head rather spasmodically, as Jared slicked up the anal pocket.  
“I’m going to help you, so that you can get some release,” Jared continued, trying not to gulp as he took in the sight of Jensen’s astonishing cock.  
It had to be at least ten inches and almost as wide as a Coke can. It was almost puce with how much blood was pumping into it, and the head was a veritable faucet of pre-ejaculate. At the bottom of the rigid column of flesh was a small band of raised flesh, which would house Jensen’s increasingly large knot.  
Jared had to stop himself from leaning forward and letting Jensen fuck his mouth, anal pocket be damned. But he wouldn't do that. He could never take advantage of Jensen when he was like this. So vulnerable. So beautiful. So _carnal._  
Jared coaxed the anal pocket onto Jensen’s cock and crooned to his younger step sibling as he thrust up into the synthetic pouch of tight flesh. Jared tried not to fixate on the way Jensen’s thighs and abdominal muscles bunched and released as he violently pistoned his hips.  
He could feel the heat of the young alpha’s cock through the anal pocket. It was an absolutely searing sensation, and Jared felt more slick dampen his underwear and pyjama pants. This time it was more than just a trickle.  
Jared crooned comforting words at Jensen as he tossed his head back and forth on the sweat drenched pillow and gritted his teeth. He whispered, “It hurts” before his speech devolved into whispers and growls of pain and frustration.  
“It’ll be over soon,” Jared kept chanting. “I’m here, Jen, I’m here.”  
Jensen’s thrusts grew practically savage until the anal pocket split down the side and snapped off of Jensen’s cock and out of Jared hand, to lie used and abused on the floor. Jared blinked in astonishment. How was that even possible? He had thought that those things were _really_ tough. But then he saw Jensen’s knot and he understood. It looked like a soft ball, swollen with blood, skin stretched thin showing the veins beneath.  
An intense pulse of slick gushed out of Jared’s asshole, and he swallowed audibly as Jensen’s eyes flew open and his gaze fixed on his omega step-sibling.  
“Jen, I—” Jared managed before Jensen was on him, ripping his pants and underwear off hard enough to bruise him with the elastic waistbands.  
Jensen spread Jared’s long legs and plunged his tongue into the omega’s glistening asshole with such vigour and precision that Jared came instantly, his channel clamping down around the young alpha’s tongue while slick squirted out and onto Jensen’s chin.  
Just as Jared’s body sank down into the mattress, Jensen sat back on his heels, bringing Jared with him. Jared gripped his broad shoulders, before clasping Jensen’s chin between his fingers and making the other boy meet his gaze.  
“Let me take control just for a little while,” he murmured. “Just so neither one of us gets hurt.”  
Jensen’s verdant eyes with their blown pupils flashed for a moment before he nodded shakily, and allowed Jared to guide him so that he was lying flat on his back. Jared bit his lips, his eyes falling shut for a moment as he gripped that scorching cock and let his hole suckle at the soaking head before slowly—achingly so— impaling himself on that brilliant column of alpha flesh. He opened his eyes again so that he could watch Jensen’s face as his mouth fell open and he bruisingly gripped Jared’s narrow hips.  
Even if he rejects me in the morning, Jared thought, I’d never let him suffer. I love him. I love him so much.  
Jared set the pace as Jensen’s cock dragged out of his entrance, every nerve ending ablaze with pleasure, and sunk back into the clutch of Jared’s body. God it felt good to have that cock inside of him, so thick, so big, so real. Real at last, not just a fantasy. This feeling would torment Jared for the rest of his life, because he knew this would never happen again. Jensen was not his alpha, but he needed Jared now, and Jared could never deny him anything.  
Jensen flipped him over, while his cock was still firmly rooted in Jared’s ass, and brought his omega brother’s hips up and pushed his face down as he began to ream his ass so hard that Jared slid upwards on each thrust. He gripped the footboard to avoid being brained against it, his mouth open against the mattress as he sobbed into it as Jensen’s cockhead rammed into his prostate. When Jensen came it was like a fountain of searing come filled Jared’s bowels, but Jensen carried on fucking him as if he hadn’t come.  
The combined wetness of Jared’s copious slick and Jensen’s copious come made Jensen’s knot slide in more smoothly, but Jared still strained to take it as his back arched with his own intense orgasm. He felt Jensen come for a second time as his anal walls tightened around the adolescent alpha’s baseball batesque dick.  
He convulsed beneath Jensen as his body tried to process the seemingly endless shocks of scorching pleasure that set his nerves alight, his fingernails scraping against the wooden headboard throbbing in time with the hot feeling of Jensen’s fingernails digging into his scalp as he gripped Jared’s head. Long, strong fingers sinking into his thick hair and the tender flesh of his hip.  
After awhile Jared dozed off and so did Jensen. He was awoken by Jensen moving him so that he sank back against the alpha’s broad, smooth chest to be bounced up and down on his still erect cock. Jared howled through it, digging his nails into the flesh of Jensen’s thick thighs. Every time Jensen brought him to orgasm he squirted a profusion of slick, until the room was heavy with the scent of Jensen’s come and Jared’s natural lubricant.  
When Jensen’s cock finally slid free of Jared’s hole, Jensen went down on him and soothed the abused flesh with his tongue. Jared stroked his brother’s head softly and slowly, hissing and whining in both pain and pleasure as Jensen laved his tongue in and around his entrance. Afterwards he cradled Jensen’s head to his chest as the young alpha slept and Jared tried to commit every moment to memory.  
         

***

Before dawn, Jared rose from Jensen’s bed and went to the kitchen where their mother kept the electrolyte solution sachets. He made one for himself, gulping down the slightly gritty tropical flavoured mixture; before taking a glass to Jensen’s room. He managed to rouse his step-sibling enough to get him to drink all of the solution, although it was hard going with Jensen still muzzy but trying to stroke Jared wherever he could reach him.  
Afterwards, Jared happily submitted himself to Jensen’s ministrations. His heart ached so terribly, though. Every time Jensen kissed him he thought _He’ll never do this again_ , every time his hands slid over Jared’s body he thought _I need to remember how this feels, I must remember_. And when Jensen was inside of him he tried to imagine what it would be like to have this for the rest of his life, to carry Jensen’s children, to be wanted outside of the near madness of this coupling. But he knew that he would take all he could get. Hungrily, greedily. Even if it meant that it would have to sustain him for the rest of his life. Even if all these moments would be his and his alone, kept in a place in his mind that no one else would ever know. And he cradled that thought as if it were a precious thing, because he supposed it was. It was the realisation of a love that he had had for years, even if that realisation would ultimately be a transient, unrequited thing.

***

When Jensen’s need slowed and then abated, Jared helped him bathe whilst doing so himself. He made them a light meal, and then he encouraged Jensen to sleep. Alone.  
His parents returned from their weekend trip, none the wiser to what happened between he and Jensen. They eventually surmised that Jensen had presented as an alpha, but there was no way—despite what the romance novels insisted—that they could know that Jensen had repeatedly claimed Jared. And Jensen did not come to Jared, he did not tell him that he either recalled nor cared that Jared had taken him within himself, held him there as one does something that is infinitely special.  
This prompted Jared to retreat into himself more and more. He knew that he could use his academic work as an excuse to be continuously occupied, and he took more shifts as a tutor at university and a barista at the coffee shop. He dismissed his friends’ worried enquiries about him looking rather wan, and thinner, which was no mean feat due to Misha and Genevieve’s persistent natures.  
Something had to give, although Jared didn’t know it would do so _quite_ so spectacularly.

***


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared hopes, and grows, all the while loving Jensen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo... this was supposed to only be two chapters, but then some plot crept in and I was defenceless. Apologies. Will try my utmost to get the last instalment out as soon as I can! I am writing it as we speak! Or as I write this...whatever. 
> 
> Enjoy the angst!

Jared tried not to make his staring too obvious, but he couldn’t help squinting. The other boy with Jensen looked extremely familiar. Jared mulled over where he could have met the kid when he realised that he didn’t _know_ the kid. The reason he looked so familiar was because Jared had looked almost exactly the same at sixteen. Dark hair, the ends just brushing the top of his shirt collar, with a thick, floppy fringe. He’d also had a propensity for flannel in those days. And he had, of course, also been tall and lanky, almost angular in appearance. Collarbones slightly too sharp, mouth a little too wide. The only obvious difference was the boy’s eyes. While Jared’s were more slanted and hazel, well depending on the light and his mood; the currently nameless boy’s were slightly more almond shaped and what appeared to be a warm brown.   
Jared’s stomach felt hollow as the boy touched Jensen’s upper arm, and he felt like vomiting when Jensen blessed his companion with the full force of a very flirtatious smile. Sweat began to break out on his brow when Jensen quickly wrote something on the other boy’s palm. Jared didn’t need to think very much to figure out what that could mean.   
When Jensen finally made his way to the car, Jared didn’t exactly feel like kosher.   
“Hey,” his stepbrother greeted as he climbed into the car.  
Jared couldn’t bring himself to speak, for fear that he’d just up chuck all over the steering wheel. He nodded instead and pulled away from the curb. Perhaps more violently than was strictly necessary.  
Jensen gave him a bemused look before staring out of the windscreen, as if he was too afraid to talk to Jared. Jared was glad that he didn’t have to pretend that he was interested in small talk. As if he wasn’t currently seething over that almond eyed omega touching **_his_** mate. As if wasn’t fighting the burning urge, so burning it coated his throat, to turn around and attack the other boy. He drew himself abruptly short at that. This kind of reaction was totally disproportional to the situation. Jensen had made it quite clear that he either didn’t remember the small, but crucial detail that Jared was now his omega, or that he did remember but would rather act as if he didn’t. Jared was not about to go all _Fatal Attraction_ on the other omega because Jensen had rejected him. It wasn’t that kid’s fault. 

He wanted to drive straight home, but Jensen suddenly said, “Let’s go to _Val’s_ for lunch, huh?”  
Jared very badly wanted to tell Jensen it was very unlikely that he’d be able to sit through an entire meal with him without wanted to brain himself on the shiny table top.   
What he did instead, was drive to the diner and park his car, and go inside with Jensen, and proceed to only speak in order to give his lunch order to the waitress. Jensen, meanwhile, had obviously overcome whatever trepidation he’d felt in the car in regards to speaking to Jared, and proceeded to start talking about Jonathan, the omega that Jared had seen him with.   
He held his kneecaps in a death-grip until both his hands and knees began to throb. He relaxed his hands, but continued to stare at the tabletop while Jensen continued talking, completely oblivious to his stepbrother’s mental torture.   
He could feel tears welling up in his throat, but he desperately swallowed them down.   
“And so Jonathan and I decided that we’d pair up and write the paper together, because we both loved the book. And Mrs Kinski said that she thought that was a great idea…” Jensen said, and Jared could hear the smile in his voice.   
It suddenly became too much. Jared could—well he thought he could—deal with Jensen rejecting him, because at least, for one ephemeral moment he had had Jensen, had known what he felt like to be with him. But having Jensen talk about another omega in this way, in the way that he never had, and never would, speak about Jared, was more than he could stomach.   
He abruptly rose from the table, and Jensen looked at him quizzically.   
“I—um—I have to go,” he said to the salt and pepper shakers on the table. “I forgot that I promised Gen that I’d help her move some furniture around in her apartment.”  
He put some money on the table, before turning away and hurrying out of _Val’s_ before Jensen could utter a protest. He made sure to send his mother a text message about Jensen having lunch at the diner, and he continued with his fabrication about helping Gen. His phone beeped a few minutes later, and his mother had replied and told him not to worry, and that she’d pick Jensen up in an hour. With that settled, Jared did drive to Gen’s house, because he knew that the jig was up. He _had_ to tell someone. 

* * *

 

Gen was silent for a full two minutes after Jared finished telling her _everything_ to do with he and Jensen, even about him running away during lunch to come to her place.   
Even though she was so much smaller than him, Gen pulled Jared close and he crumpled into her chest, sobbing so hard that eventually he just rested against her, dry eyed and drained. So, so drained.   
“I think,” she said. “That you need to go to a doctor so that he or she can recommend the best course of action. Jensen, has,” he could feel her wince, “rejected your bonding. And while I think that is _bullshit_ with a capital B, you need to find out how to deal with it, before it deals with you.”  
Jared knew Gen was right, and so he allowed her to phone around and find out who the best omega specialist was, and book an appointment for him.   
For the rest of the afternoon, they sat on Gen’s couch and watched Universal and Val Lewton horror movies; and when evening came, Gen pulled the couch out so that Jared could sleep on it.   
His dreams were exhausting, as they melded Jared’s anxieties with the painfully blissful memories of his mating to Jensen. He cried in his sleep, and didn’t know what was worse: A waking life in which Jensen didn’t want him, or dreams where he did. 

* * *

 

Dr Eva Green was beautiful, with large eyes and dark hair. She had a crisply annunciated way of speaking, and she didn’t beat around the bush.   
“In the past,” she said. “You would most probably have died from the rejection. From what you’ve told me, you’ve already begun to exhibit the early signs of serious mating deprivation. But thanks to modern medicine, we can treat that. There is _no_ cure. You won’t wake up one morning and suddenly not want to be mated to Jensen. I’m afraid I’m no miracle worker, and unlike my forebears in medicine, I won’t claim to be. We’ll manage your… _condition_ , for lack of a more polite way of putting it. And I’m also going to prescribe something that can’t be had at the pharmacy, I’m afraid: Physical distance between you and Jensen. You need to seriously start thinking about moving out of your mother and stepfather’s home, and finding your own place if possible. I can recommend good living quarters for…single omegas.”  
Jared took all of this in, and even though he felt devastation crashing over him, he nodded as firmly as he could.  
“If you need to cry, then do so,” Dr Green encouraged. “Shout even. There’s no one here to tell you how to manage your grief. I once had a patient who told me that the only thing worse than being rejected by his mate was being homeless. He said that without his mate he had no hinge, no mooring. He was floating in the ether and didn’t know how to stop.”   
Jared nodded again, tears streaming down his face, and he held Dr Green’s hand when she offered it. He agreed with that patient, because one’s mate was supposed to be one’s home, and without it, there _was_ no home. 

* * *

 

When he told his parents that he wanted to move out and live with Gen, they were unsurprisingly flabbergasted.   
“But Jared,” his mother cried. “What’s brought this on?”  
“Have we done something to upset you?” Alex inquired anxiously.   
Jared shook his head, “No, nothing like that. Never anything like that. You’ve both supported me so much. It’s just— _time_ , you know? It’ll be good for me.”   
Jared’s mother looked as if she wanted to argue, but Alex put his hand on her shoulder and nodded, “You’ve always known what you wanted, Jared. And your mom and I won’t start doubting you now.”   
“Thank you,” Jared replied gratefully. 

* * *

 

He had hoped that Jensen would ask him to stay, but his brother did no such thing. Instead he didn’t say anything to Jared. In fact, he hadn’t spoke to Jared, except when absolutely necessary, since the aborted lunch at _Val’s_. Jared wanted to explain so badly so many times, but then he remembered why this was all happening, and he remained silent.   
His mother and Gen helped him pack up all of his possessions, and they loaded everything into Gen’s old minivan. He promised to visit every fortnight for dinner, and phone his mom whenever possible. They were promises he’d be happy to keep.   
He hugged his parents goodbye. Jensen wasn’t anywhere to be found.   
“Band practice with Chris and Steve, I think,” his mother shrugged, clearly annoyed at Jensen’s weak excuse for his absence.   
Jared was glad, though. This meant a clean break. He wasn’t going to hang around and beg to be loved. He’d done that for long enough, after all. 

* * *

 

Living with Gen turned out to be surprisingly easy, because they could be honest with one another and come up with a living arrangement that worked.   
Starting a new life, so to speak, wasn’t as easy, though. He carried on working and studying, and because he poured his energy into both things in a bid to numb himself, he was awarded better grades and named employee of the month.   
The medication that Dr Green prescribed helped a lot, too, and so did his weekly sessions with a psychiatrist she had recommended. Dr Hartnett was a young, very handsome alpha, and Jared instantly felt safe with him. He never patronised Jared nor trivialised what he was experiencing during his separation from Jensen. He encouraged Jared to be honest, and it helped Jared deal with emotions that he’d long suppressed.   
He began to feel better and better as time went on, but his new found resolve was to be tested _pretty_ spectacularly. 

* * *

 

Jared was at his parent’s house, honouring his promise of fortnightly dinners. The last two dinners had not featured Jensen. A sharp pang had gone through Jared’s heart when he realised that this was because of him, and that this meant that Jensen had never really cared for him as deeply as he cared for the young alpha.   
This time, however, Jensen was present. And so was Jonathan.   
It would have been far easier if Jared could claim a passionate dislike for the younger omega, but he couldn’t do that. Not because he felt some duty to Jensen, but because Jonathan was genuinely nice. He didn’t try to impress any of them, and he was polite without being awkward. Jared could see what Jensen found desirable in the other boy: a kind of quiet confidence and self-assurance. Something Jared knew that he had always lacked. It seemed that as time went on, it became increasingly obvious that he’d never had a snowball’s chance in Hell with Jensen.   
When dessert was served, Jared was positively chafing at the bit to make his excuses and go home. But as he was eating, he began to feel horribly nauseous and disorientated. He could hear his mother asking him what was wrong, but her voice was distant, as if she was talking to him down a funnel.   
He heard her gasp before he slumped over in his chair and fell to the floor. 

* * *

 

There was a lovely coolness on his forehead, and a soothing voice speaking to him. As he regained consciousness he realised that someone was bathing his forehead and that that someone was Dr Green, who was reciting a poem by Keats.   
“I see our patient is awake,” she smiled once he managed to open his eyes, the eyelids of which felt as heavy as a kettlebell. “How do you feel?”  
He took a moment to think before replying, and finally countered with a question of his own, “What brought that attack on?”   
Her smiled smoothed out, “You had a severe emotional reaction to Jensen’s proximity, and the proximity of a rival for his affections.”   
Jared forced down the lump in his throat, “I see.”   
Dr Green smiled at him again, in that calming way she had, “It’s a bit like being a drug addict, I’m afraid. You have some good day and you have some bad days. And sometimes you fall right down, but you have me to help you back up.”  
“Thank you,” Jared whispered, clenching and unclenching his right hand around the slightly unforgiving fabric of the hospital bed blanket.   
“Now,” she said. “I’m going to have you stay overnight for observation and then in the morning, I want you to have a chat with Dr Hartnett. Don’t worry, I’ve already called him and arranged everything.”  
Jared nodded again, trying to keep a neutral expression, but he dissolved into tears when Dr Green gently hugged him.  
“It’s alright. It’s alright now.”  
“I-I thought I was doing so much better,” he sobbed. “But now I _know_ I’m a failure.”  
“Jared,” she said sharply, cupping his face between her fine boned hands. “You are currently running a marathon, _not_ a sprint. You have to keep your eye on the long run.”  
Jared wiped his eyes and nodded like a small child.   
“Good boy,” she smiled encouragingly. “You’re going to be just _fine_.”

* * *

 

Several months passed after his episode, and they were good months on the whole. He was less obsessive about work and school, but he still did very well in both. He started to become closer to a professor who had taken him for an elective at the beginning of the year. Jeffrey Dean did not push him or ask him about why he was so reserved around alphas, and why he only had Gen and Misha as friends. He just seemed to like Jared’s company. He recommended books for Jared to read, and he actually read the ones Jared suggested.   
He knew that if he wanted he could make their relationship a romantic one, but he just couldn’t bring himself to do that. Not so soon after Jensen had rejected him. There was only that tiny spark of hope in his heart that refused to die completely, and which whispered to him of the possibility of Jensen’s love. He did not add kindle to that spark, but it would not be smothered either, and so he lived with it. Dr Hartnett told him, like Dr Green, that things would take time. A lot of time. And that he needed to be patient. And so he let the little spark be, almost like a green light across the bay. 

* * *

 

“So I’m acting in a show,” Misha announced one day while he, Jared and Gen were having lunch in-between classes. “I’m playing Benedict.”  
“As in the merry bachelor?” Jared frowned.   
“Indeed,” Misha replied, as if this totally made sense and Jared was strange to think it otherwise.   
“I see,” Gen supplied. “So what’s the show about?”  
“Well, obviously what it’s usually about,” Jared interjected, his facial expression one of mock seriousness.   
Gen rolled her eyes in mock exasperation.   
“Oh just the usual,” Misha smiled serenely. “Misunderstanding, farce and wit.”  
“Just another night at the theatre,” Jared shrugged.  
“Indeed,” Gen answered, repeating Misha’s earlier reply.   
“We wouldn’t miss it for the world,” Jared assured his friend.   
“Good,” said friend smiled.  
“Who’s playing Beatrice?” Jared asked.  
“Daneel Harris.”  
“Oh how lovely,” Gen beamed. “I saw her in _The Student Playhouse’s_ production of _Cat On A Hot Tin Roof_. What a _babe_.”  
“Are _you_ sure you don’t want to to play Benedict in Misha’s place?” Jared teased.   
“If only,” Gen laughed.   
“So,” Misha said, becoming serious. “How have things been with you, Jared?”  
“Fine, thanks, Mish. I’ve been seeing Dr Hartnett twice a week, and my meds seem to be helping. He, well, he and Dr Green, actually made a suggestion last week that I’m seriously considering.”   
“What kind of suggestion, Jare?” Gen asked, suddenly sounding worried.   
“There’s a retreat for omegas. I looked it up and it’s beautiful. I think it might just be the thing. Our break is coming up, and I could really use relaxation, you know?”  
Misha and Gen were both quiet for a while, but then Misha spoke up, “I think it’s a great idea, Jared. You’ve been through so much and you deserve to have a bit of time away from everything.”  
“I agree,” Gen smiled. “It’s something to look forward to.”   
“I feel like Bette Davis in _Now Voyager_ ,” Jared laughed. “Hopefully I have some kind of happy ending, too.”  
“You will, Jare, you will,” Gen said, squeezing his hand, while Misha nodded in agreement.   
He forced himself to smile, before asking, “So when’s your production going to be performed, Misha?”   
“The week before the break. Maybe you guys can come to one of the rehearsals?”  
“We’d love to, Mish.”   
They carried on chatting rather inanely for the rest of lunch, until they went their separate ways for class. On his way to his Victorian Literature seminar, Jared felt as if he was being watched, and when he looked up from his copy of _The Grey Woman,_ he could have sworn he saw a very familiar pair of green eyes staring at him, but it was such a brief glimpse that he couldn’t be sure.

* * *

 

“So what book do you suggest this week?” Jeffrey Dean smiled.   
“ _The Hotel New Hampshire,_ ” Jared replied, sliding a slightly battered copy across the table.  
“John Irving, huh?”  
“Indeed. I think he’s one of the finest modern American authors,” Jared shrugged whilst sipping his vanilla tea.   
“I can’t disagree. Funnily enough I never did get around to reading this one. Knowing Irving it’ll push the boundaries to breaking point.”  
“You know it,” Jared grinned.   
Jeffrey Dean read the blurb at the back before carefully placing it in his soft leather briefcase.  
“So,” he said, turning back to Jared. “How have you been?”  
“Fine.”  
“How are classes?”  
“Fi—” Jared broke off abruptly at Jeffrey Dean’s raised eyebrows. “They’re very interesting. Especially my literature classes.”  
“Are you thinking about pursuing that further?”  
Jared nodded, “But I also want to get a teaching certificate. I want to be able to teach people about literature, too.”  
“I think you’d be a great teacher, Jared,” the older man smiled, gently covering Jared’s hand with his own. “I just think you’re great in general really.”  
Jared flushed, but didn’t pull his hand away. His heart was beating so fast that he felt slightly dizzy, especially as Jeffrey Dean leaned forward and kissed him on the corner of his mouth. Which was followed by an almighty crash and someone—someone who sounded very familiar—cursing.   
Jared looked up, but he only saw the person to whom the familiar voice belonged, rushing out of the café.   
“I wonder what that was about,” Jeffrey Dean frowned.  
“I—I haven’t the faintest,” Jared replied softly. 

* * *

 

Jared had a rare day off, and so he decided to go and watch one of Misha’s rehearsals. He wasn’t disappointed. Misha and Daneel had fantastic chemistry, and the supporting cast were fabulous, too. Jared couldn’t have enjoyed himself more until he caught sight of a very familiar looking stagehand. Not wanting to draw attention to himself, Jared forced himself to continue watching the show, but his relief was palpable when Misha came over during his break.   
“So? What do you think?” he asked, plopping down in the seat next to Jared.  
“It’s great. I can’t wait to see you trotting around in tights.”   
“And what I sight I shall make,” Misha wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.   
Jared couldn’t help but burst out laughing, which caused the very familiar stagehand to look directly at him. The boy’s eyes widened before he looked away and hurried out of sight.   
“Mish. Is this production in cooperation with the local high school?”  
“Yup. How did you know?”   
“Because I just saw Jonathan back stage.”  
“Oh jeez, Jare. I’m so sorry. I didn’t know! I’ve never seen the kid so—”  
“Misha, please,” Jared smiled, getting up from his seat. “How could you have known? As you said, you didn’t know what he looked like. Listen, I’d better go before—”  
The rest of his sentence died away as he saw Jensen make his way down the aisle of the theatre towards the stage. He stopped as soon as he saw Jared, and made as if he wanted to walk towards his step brother, but Jared preempted him, and fled the theatre. 

* * *

 

Instead of leaving the week of their break, Jared decided to leave the day after Misha’s first appearance in _A Midsummer Night’s Dream_. Jared really was impressed about his friend’s acting, which perfectly matched the sparkling performance of the fiery haired Daneel. But his enjoyment was slightly tinged by the knowledge that Jensen may have attended in order to support his—omega—friend. Thankfully that wasn’t the case, but the episode during the rehearsal had made Jared realise how badly he needed to get away.   
The flight to the retreat was blissfully uneventful, and when he arrived, Jared was relieved to see that the brochures has been entirely truthful. He was shown to an airy room and told that lunch would be served in an hour. He took his time unpacking and seeing how the bathroom was. When he still had twenty minutes to kill before lunch, he decided to go on a walk around the grounds.   
They were beautifully maintained with a three tennis courts, and an indoor and outdoor pool, where he saw omegas taking a water aerobics class. There was a recreational room with pool and ping pong tables. There was also an art room, where a few people were painting or sketching.   
When it was time for lunch, Jared felt slightly apprehensive, but he was soon beckoned over to a table.  
“Hi,” a handsome omega smiled. “I’m David. David Boreanaz. And you are?”  
“Gorgeous,” another male omega smiled. “Just kidding. I’m Charlie Hunnam.”   
“Nice to meet you both,” Jared smiled in return, if perhaps more reservedly than the other two men. “I’m Jared. Jared Padalecki.”  
“Quite a surname there,” Charlie teased.   
“We’ll manage,” David assured him. “So Jared, what brings you to our getaway?”  
When Jared didn’t immediately reply, Charlie smiled understandingly, “I know it’s tough to share, but we promise we won’t judge. If it makes you feel better, I’ll share first. My mate chose someone else. Left me at the alter, in fact.”  
“Oh my goodness,” Jared grimaced. “I’m so sorry.”  
“It’s—I’m getting there, you know? This place has really helped with that.”  
David rubbed Charlie’s back comfortingly, and for a moment Jared got the distinct impression that they weren’t just friends, before David supplied, “My mate died before I had a chance to meet him. He was in a plane crash.”  
Jared was speechless, but his grief for the other man was obviously clear, because David smiled in a rather pained way and said, “It’s getting better everyday. I just have to be patient.”  
Jared nodded, and a few minutes elapsed as they all ate, until he said, “My mate rejected me.”  
“I’m sorry,” Charlie and David lamented in unison.   
“It hasn’t been easy, but I’m glad I’m here now. I think this place will really help me.”  
“It will,” David smiled. “It really will.” 

* * *

 

Jared’s first group session was extremely challenging, not only because he had to speak about his heartbreaking experience with others, but because he had to listen to the stories of those around him that seemed so much worse than his own.   
It became easier, as he was beginning to realise most things did, as he attended more sessions and formed friendships with other omegas. He was closest to Charlie and David, though. The more time he spent with them, the more he was convinced that they had found a second chance in one another. He didn’t tell them about how he’d seen them kissing tenderly near the woods one late afternoon, but his heart filled with joy for them.   
He cried in his room that night, because he knew that he’d never be able to move on like them. It didn’t matter that he could have a happy, fulfilling life with Jeffrey Dean, he would always love Jensen. No matter how pathetic that seemed.   
He was immensely grateful that the counsellors at the retreat made it abundantly clear that none of them expected Jared to ever fully get over Jensen. All they wanted from him was for him to be able to live a happy life despite that, even if that meant he’d live it alone, without a mate.   
He wrote an email each to Gen, Misha and his parents once a week. Before he knew it, he’d been at the retreat for two months. He both anticipated and dreaded the last two weeks of his stay, but Dr Goldstein, one of the counsellors, assured him that he would be ready. And that just because he was leaving the retreat, didn’t mean that the staff there wouldn’t stay in contact with him.   
Jared felt as if he had changed somehow. Even if he still loved Jensen, he didn’t regard that love in the same way anymore. His desperation had become more of a low burn, and he found that he felt more independent, more able to deal with and be glad of his own thoughts and feelings. He began to keep a journal, and he wrote all of his musings, serious and idyll, in it. Sometimes he wrote about how much he missed Jensen, not only as a mate, but as a brother, but he knew that things could never return to how they were before. He wrote and wrote until he’d filled the journal and needed a new one. Writing became a solace for him, and he knew that when he returned home, it would help him through. 

* * *

 

“Jared,” Dr Goldstein said during their last private session together. “I’ve been corresponding with Drs Hartnett and Green during your stay with us, and we’ve come to an agreement about the best course of action for the future.”   
“What is it Dr?” Jared frowned, tensing a tension in the the other man.  
“This won’t be easy for you, Jared. It’s going to take so much mental strength, but you need to do it for you own sake.”  
Dr Goldstein paused for a moment before continuing, “You and Jensen need to have a talk about why he rejected your mating.”  
Jared was speechless for a long time, and it was once again Dr Goldstein who broke the silence, “Jared. I understand how absolutely unthinkable this must seem. It must sound as if we’re asking you to face the unthinkable. But, I’ve come to realise during our sessions that you never got the opportunity to speak to Jensen about why he made the choice he did. From what you’ve told me about your mating with him, it was consensual for both of you, and that Jensen did not claim you only once, as one often finds with—matings that result in rejections.”  
Jared nodded before asking, “But what good would it do, Dr Goldstein? Isn’t Jensen’s reason for rejecting me clear: he wants to be with another omega.”  
“Jared, it’s not my intention to act as if you are stupid or too young to understand what has happened. You could never be accused of either of those things. In fact, you may be one of the most introspective patients I’ve ever had the pleasure of helping. But I need you to think about how there’s the possibility that the conclusion you’ve come to is an assumption. I know that you’re going to say that you’ve seen proof, that Jensen has made his desires clear to you. But I want to suggest an alternative: that perhaps there’s more to the situation than that, and that you should take the opportunity to find out if that is or isn’t the case.”  
Jared didn’t reply right away, that little spark of hope leapt in delight at Dr Goldstein’s words, but Jared merely replied, “How should I go about speaking to Jensen about this?”  
“Dr Hartnett came up with a suggestion. He said that it would be easiest if you and Jensen had a session together with him, where he could act as a facilitator, but nothing more.”  
“But how does he know Jensen will agree to that?”  
“Jared, it’s clear that Jensen cares for you. After everything you’ve told me, even if it transpires that all your conclusions are true, Jensen is still part of your immediate family, and he will do anything he can to help you.”  
“Yes,” Jared admitted. “Yes, he would.” 

* * *

  
After his conversation with Dr Goldstein, Jared went and sat on the lawn and just looked at the woods with their umber, gold and orange leaves. Flocks of birds took flight and flew in perfect unison. There was a slight breeze, and the soft, pale golden grass swayed somnolently. Jared was glad that he was wearing a comfy jersey as he lay back on the grass, and gazed at the autumn sky. He closed his eyes and thought of home. Thought of Jensen. 

* * *

  
Jared was glad to be home, especially when Genevieve cooked supper for him, Misha and her, and produced a chocolate cake decorated with the words “Welcome Back Jared!”.   
Misha told them rather hilarious stories about what had happened during rehearsals for the play. Gen blushingly admitted that she’d asked Daneel out on a date, and that they were taking things slowly. Jared could see that she was really smitten, though.   
Finally, he it came time for him to tell them about what Dr Goldstein had said about talking to Jensen about the rejection.   
Genevieve was rather dubious about the whole idea, fearing that Jensen would only hurt Jared more. But Misha was more reticent.   
“Maybe you’ll finally have some closure, you know? Maybe this will allow you to move on.”   
Jared nodded, “I think so, Mish. I can’t run away forever. My parents…well, they’re not stupid. They’ll eventually find out someway or another, and then it’ll just be a huge mess. I don’t want to cause problems in their marriage.”  
Gen and Misha nodded in agreement, but the conversation became far less jovial after that, and Misha made his excuses to leave. He gave them both a hug before going home. While they washed the dishes, Jared didn’t tell Genevieve about his quiet hope that speaking to Jensen wouldn’t just give him answers, it would bring Jensen, brother or mate, back to him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed that. Feel free to cry on my shoulder and tell me your hopes and dreams for the boys. For those of you reading Anything You Have In Mind, do not despair! I have not abandoned it! The plot just got a bit muddled in my poor brain, and I'm sorting it out! Thank you for your patience!


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Realisations, confessions and a reunion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, here we have it! The final chapter of this little tale. I hope you enjoy it.

_“Jensen,” Sharon said, knocking on his bedroom door. “May I come in?”_   
_“Sure, ma,” he smiled._   
_The door opened to reveal his stepmother’s smiling face, “You’ve got a visitor.”_   
_Jensen frowned, he wasn’t expecting anyone. His frown smoothed out and his mouth dropped open a bit as his mother pushed the door open to reveal Jared, standing just behind her in the passage._   
_“I’ll leave you two to chat,” she smiled, closing the door behind Jared once he was standing in his younger stepbrother’s room._   
_“Hey you,” Jared smiled, sitting on Jensen’s bed._   
_“H-hey,” Jensen replied, still slightly aghast._   
_“So how goes it, stranger?”_   
_“Um…okay, I guess. What have you been up to?”_   
_“Nothing much,” Jared shrugged. “I started some new classes this semester. I’m really enjoying them.”_   
_I know, Jensen felt like replying. I saw you on campus the other day. And then I saw you at the coffee shop with that smarmy professor._   
_“Great, that’s great,” he said instead. “I’m enjoying school, too. AP English is my favourite.”_   
_Jared nodded, and then they both lapsed into silence for a while. It wasn’t the comfortable silence of the past. Jensen didn’t quite know what to do with his hands, but he couldn’t look away from his brother. His hair was a little shorter, he’d obviously had it trimmed, and he looked slightly slimmer. But in a way that accentuated the exoticism of his features. He watched, transfixed, as Jared looked down, his dark, soft lashes making half moon shapes as they fanned out; momentarily concealing those brilliant eyes._   
_“Jensen, I—” Jared started before abruptly halting, as someone had interrupted him._   
_Jared exhaled, as he pushed his hair behind his ears and fringe away from his eyes._   
_“I came here,” he began again. “To talk to you about what’s been going on lately. I—I wanted—” he looked up, and there must have been something particularly telling in Jensen’s expression because he burst out, “Oh god, Jensen. I—I love you so much. I’m sorry I didn’t come to you after you claimed me. But I love you. I can’t help it. Please—”_   
_This time Jared really was interrupted, as Jensen rose from his seat and claimed Jared’s soft mouth in a hard kiss. Filling it with his tongue, searching out all the places that made Jared cling to him, as he had done on the night they’d come together so perfectly. When the necessity to breath became too strong, Jensen pulled away, but Jared kissed the side of his face and neck._   
_“Jensen, Jensen,” he kept murmuring. “Jensen, Jen—_

sen,” his mother repeated, as she knocked on the door again. “Jensen, there’s a Dr Hartnett on the phone for you.”  
Jensen jolted awake, the tantalising images of Jared evaporating as he woke. He rubbed his eyes as he got up from the bed to open the door for his mother, and take the phone.

* * *

 

“Jensen’s agreed to the session with you and I,” Dr Hartnett informed him over the phone.   
Jared could hardly believe it. He had expected Jensen to flatly refuse. But maybe Jensen wanted answers as badly as Jared.   
“Thank you, Dr,” Jared finally replied.   
“Don’t be afraid, Jared. Whatever happens, we’ll work through it, okay?”  
Jared nodded, before realising that Dr Hartnett couldn’t see him through the telephone, “Yes. Yes I know.”  
“I’ll see you tomorrow. Try to get some sleep tonight,” Dr Hartnett said, before ringing off.   
Jared made sure that he was fully occupied the entire day so that he could exhaust himself enough to sleep that night. He helped Genevieve bake, and put all their movies in alphabetical order, before going to the gym and doing a rather intense workout. He went to the bookshop and ordered some books he needed for varsity, before finally going home and helping make supper.   
By the time Gen put _Aliens_ on, Jared could barely keep his eyes open as Ripley outlasted almost all the other characters in the metal surroundings of the colony on the barren LV-426, and fearlessly fought off the dreaded xenomorphs.   
“Go to bed,” Gen said, pushing Jared off the couch, and succeeding despite their difference in weight and height.   
“Okay, okay, I’m going,” Jared yawned.   
He blanked his mind as he went through his nightly routine, and forced himself to maintain that metal blankness as he climbed into bed. He had no jurisdiction over his dreams, though. And those, he knew, would feature Jensen heavily. 

* * *

 

Jared tugged on the hem of his burgundy polo shirt as he stared at his reflection in his full length mirror. His bed was littered with shirts and trousers, none of which had met with Jared’s approval. Probably because none of those shirts and trousers were ones that Jensen had ever expressed admiration for, or gifted Jared with. The burgundy polo shirt had been one that Jensen had given him two years before as a birthday present. The dark jeans he wore were a pair that Jensen, while winking, had told him “made his legs look even longer”.   
Jared was not going to think about _why_ he was basically wearing Jensen’s favourite outfit of his to the therapy session where Jensen was going to reveal to him why he’d rejected their mating.   
“You look good, Jar,” Genevieve smiled, when he finally emerged for breakfast.   
He smiled nervously at her as he ate the chocolate chip pancakes, drenched in caramel syrup, that she’d made. He tried to blank his mind again, but it was far more difficult this time around because he’d be seeing Jensen again for the first time in almost three months, and speaking to him in almost half a year. Evidence of his failure to distract himself from this was clear in the fact that he stared down at his empty plate without remembering _actually_ eating the pancakes, a pity really because Gen’s pancakes were both rare and divine. Further evidence of this failure was that Gen was looking at him as if she was expecting him to reply to something he’d said.   
“Um,” he said impotently.  
“I said,” she sighed, “I think that you having a chance to speak to Jensen is going to do you _a lot_ of good.”  
Jared gave her a weak smile as he nodded in agreement, before getting up and washing the plate and cutlery he’d used. He stared at the water as it foamed on the patterned plate and took the opportunity to collect himself.   
“I’m just going to brush the pearly whites and then I’m going,” he forced himself to smile at Gen as she cleared the breakfast table.   
She didn’t comment on how queasy he looked, and returned the smile with a genuine one of her own.   
He squeezed toothpaste onto his toothbrush and wet it, before brushing his teeth in circles. He concentrated on this more acutely than ever before, forcing himself to focus solely on the mundane task in order not to give into the desire to have a full-blown meltdown in the bathroom. He’d come so _far_ , but he was only human. His last meeting with Jensen had landed him in the hospital, and while he’d made a huge amount of progress whilst at the omega retreat; this therapy session was potentially life changing.  
He finished brushing his teeth, and took a deep breath and forced himself to exhale before exiting the bathroom. Gen was waiting for him in the lounge, his car keys in her left hand and one of his zip up hoodies in her right.   
“Good luck,” she said, before softly kissing him on the cheek. “And don’t expect me home tonight. I’m staying the night at Danneel’s place.”  
Jared didn’t comment on the slight blush on his friend’s cheeks, but he did hug her tightly for a moment before replying, “I’ll give you a call in the morning.”   
He didn’t even register what was playing on the radio. They could’ve announced that aliens had landed, whilst Trump was announcing his resignation and San Francisco had been swallowed by the sea, and he still wouldn’t have heard.   
Once he’d arrived at Dr Hartnett’s office, he sat in the car for ten minutes before forcing himself to get out. He shoved his hands into his pockets whilst waiting for the elevator to avoid fidgeting. He’d never not wanted to go into the clean, tastefully decorated waiting area of Dr Hartnett’s rooms before. But today he stared at the carpet as if it was going to devour him whole.

“Jared?” Dr Hartnett’s receptionist called, smiling softly, as he finally exited the lift and approached her desk. “Dr Hartnett and Mr Ackles are waiting for you, so you can go right in.”  
“Th-thanks,” he stammered, forcing himself to return her smile, although he obviously looked rather ill instead if her dubious expression was anything to go by.   
Jared closed the door behind him, and resisted the urge to lean against it as he stared at the door that led into Dr Hartnett’s office. He took two deep breaths and slowly exhaled before turning the handle and entering the lion’s den.   
Jensen had his back to Jared as he entered, so Dr Hartnett saw him first.   
“Hello Jared,” he smiled, expression completely calm as usual. “How are you?”  
 _So nervous. I think my sweat is sweating._   
“I’m okay,” he replied.   
Jensen had turned around when Dr Hartnett had greeted his step brother, and Jared purposely avoided that clear green gaze.   
“Thank you for coming today,” Dr Hartnett addressed both of them. “I think, if you are both comfortable with such a suggestion, that we’ll start right away.”  
They both nodded, as if too afraid to reply.   
“Jared,” Dr Hartnett smiled reassuringly. “Would you like to start?”  
Jared nodded before saying, rather tremulously, “I want to know what I did wrong.”  
He finally raised his gaze to meet Jensen’s. The young alpha was frowning, as if he hadn’t understood Jared at all.   
“What you did wrong?” he finally asked, his voiced laced with incredulity. “That’s just it, Jared, _you’re_ not the one in the wrong here.”  
“Then who is?” Jared demanded, his voice losing some of its quiver.   
“Me, of course,” Jensen answered, as if he couldn’t believe Jared didn’t know that already.   
They stared at each other for a few, pregnant moments, before Dr Hartnett said, “Jensen, I think you need to explain why you think you’re the one in the wrong.”  
Jensen looked at the older alpha as if he’d just remembered that he and Jared weren’t alone, before addressing Dr Hartnett, “Because I forced myself on Jared. I—I _raped_ him. And I’m disgusted with myself because of it. And I’m even more disgusted with myself because I tried to act as if nothing had happened, as if Jared and I could just carry on being brothers. As if I hadn’t—hadn’t _fucked_ him against his will.” 

Jared stared at Jensen, utterly flummoxed. His mind was whirring like a top. Jensen believed that he’d raped Jared? How could that be? Jared thought he’d made his consent very clear, amply clear in how much he’d revelled in being allowed to touch and taste Jensen, observe him as he took so much pleasure from Jared’s body, and gave so much from his own.   
Jensen obviously took Jared’s silence for further prove of his heinous crime because he suddenly rose from his seat and began to pace back and forth across the plush carpet.   
“I always, _always_ promised myself that I’d never be like one of those fucking knot heads who raped ‘megas, who claimed them against their will. I was so _proud_ of the fact that I always considered myself to be a progressive, modern alpha, who believed in ‘mega rights. That I wasn’t like my fore-alphas who took as they pleased, who made their omegas cook and clean and _breed_ as if they had no other ambitions. And because of that I thought I’d be good enough for you Jared. A smart, beautiful—oh god so fucking _beautiful_ -‘mega, who could run circles around half the alphas and betas with your incredible smarts. But I was fooling myself the whole time because I was just like all those alphas I despised. Just as hungry to own you, and breed you and _fuck_ you—”  
He broke off mid speech and dropped to his knees in front of Jared, his green eyes shimmering with unshed tears. His voice almost cracked as he carried on, “God, Jared, I loved you—love you—so goddamn much. I’m sorry. Oh God, I’m so sorry that I raped you, that I took the one thing that no omega should ever not give without permission. Please, please forgive me. And—and even if you don’t forgive me, and you never, ever want to see me again, and—and you want to be with that—that smarmy, older alpha I saw you with at the coffee shop—then I’ll leave you alone. I’ll never bother you again—”  
“Jared,” Dr Harnett said pointedly, but not unkindly, to his patient who was sitting dumbstruck in front of his sobbing young alpha.   
“Jensen,” Jared said, cupping that gorgeously square jaw in his hands and wiping the tears that were streaming down Jensen’s face with his thumbs. “You’ve got it all wrong. So wrong. Please listen to me. Ssshhh now and listen.”  
Jensen looked as if he’d been struck hard across the face, but he managed to nod as Jared continued, “You didn’t rape me. I’m so sorry that you thought that. You claiming me was the best experience of my life. I’d wanted it for so long.”  
“But—why did you leave then?” Jensen asked. “Why did you make me sleep alone afterwards? And then you avoided me.”  
“I was so blind,” Jared admitted. “I thought you didn’t want to be mated to me. That you’d only claimed me because I was the only omega there. I came to believe that you really wanted Jonathan, and not me. And that thought hurt me so, so much. But it didn’t surprise me. I never thought I was special enough for you.”  
“Jonathan?” Jensen frowned, his long lashes sparkling with teardrops as he blinked in confusion. “Jonathan’s just a friend. I told him how much I loved you, and he wanted me to talk to you. In fact, it was him who told me to come to the therapy session today. And besides, Jonathan’s already mated. His older cousin claimed him last summer.”   
“You see,” Dr Hartnett interjected. “Communication is so important. I think you both have much left to discuss. But I think that would be best done is private. Jared, I’ll phone Dr Green and let her know that you’ll be discontinuing your medication.”  
“Medication?” Jensen asked, his hands now covering Jared’s where they still rested on his own face.   
“I’ll explain everything,” Jared assured him, before gently kissing him on the mouth.   
When they left Dr Hartnett’s office, he could have sworn that the alpha didn’t look at all surprised by how things had turned out. 

* * *

 

They sat on Jared’s bed, neither one of them speaking. They’d spoken so much in the last few hours that they both needed a chance to digest everything for a moment.   
Finally Jensen reached out, hesitantly, as if giving Jared an opportunity to pull away, and slid his hands into the omega’s thick hair as he kissed him. The kiss was gentle, equally hesitant as his initial touch, but as Jared gripped Jensen’s shoulders and pushed into the kiss, Jensen cradled the back of his head in his hands and forced Jared to open his mouth wide and permit his questing tongue. The ache of such a passionate kiss, his absolute submission to Jensen, made his cock swell so quickly it was almost uncomfortable.   
He slid his hands down Jensen’s back, feeling his way to the hem of his shirt before slowly pulling it up, exposing all that smooth, hot skin. It felt so intoxicating to be able to touch Jensen again, to know that he’d be able to touch him until the day he died. To be looked at with that hungry, almost feral gaze that Jensen had now as he helped Jared pull his shirt over his head before divesting Jared of his, and know that it wasn’t because of a rut, or because he was the only omega around, but because he was _the_ omega. Jensen’s omega.   
Jared was almost too clumsy to undo his alpha’s jeans, but when he’d finally succeeded, he dived down and enveloped Jensen in the wet heat of his mouth, savouring the silken skin and the ridges beneath. The smell of alpha musk and sweat, the taste of that slightly bitter pre-ejaculate that coated his tongue and slid down his throat. Filling him up, just like it would once Jensen claimed him again.   
Jensen used his hair to pull him off, just as his knot was beginning to stretch out the skin at the base of that magnificent cock. The slight pain at his roots made wetness pulse out of his centre, which became an almost steady flow as Jensen kicked off his own jeans and then yanked Jared’s off. He wanted to worship Jensen on his knees, but that wasn’t what the alpha wanted, because he pulled Jared towards him, the heat across his back and fading pain in his hair made him cry out. Jensen held Jared’s ankles in his hands, kissing each heel before kneeling and licking a broad strip from Jared’s tail bone to the tip of his weeping cock.   
“I used to think about eating you out when I was younger,” he said, his voice low, as if he was telling Jared a secret. “Get right up inside you. Taste _everything_. All of that sweetness that I could _smell_ after you’d shower and I’d use the bathroom afterwards. But it was always strongest on your underwear. I was so ashamed, but I couldn’t help myself. I’d go into the laundry room and put my face in the basket before the washing was done. And then I started waiting until you were out of your room, and I’d steal pairs of your underwear from your laundry hamper.”  
Jared quivered as Jensen’s breath washed over his leaking entrance. It opened and closed like a little mouth, trying to seek out Jensen’s tongue one more, but it was denied as Jensen continued to speak.   
“Look at that beautiful _soft_ skin,” Jensen murmured, his hands sliding up and down the backs of Jared’s thighs as they tensed and released. But Jared knew that he wasn’t talking about the skin on his legs, and he couldn’t suppress the shocked, almost hurt cry that erupted from him as Jensen shoved his nose right into his him and inhaled.   
Then Jensen really went to work, breaking Jared open on his tongue, his teeth very nearly devouring him, his hands kneading his buttocks, his thumbs exposing him. Jared thought he’d rip the sheets he was gripping them so hard with his left hand, while his right sank into Jensen’s hair. The cusp bloomed bright and brilliant before consuming his entire body it seemed. His nipples throbbed with it, and his vision was red behind the veil of his eyelids.   
Jensen joined him on the bed and licked into his mouth again, his hands gripping his waist as he simultaneously rolled onto his back—whilst still somehow kissing Jared—and impaled Jared on his cock in a gloriously fluid movement. Jared arched back as he was split open so wide and filled so deep, that he couldn’t suppress a scream. 

“Jensen, _Jensen_ , Jen,” he sobbed, as he Jensen began to move inside of him, that half swollen knot kissing his entrance with each upward thrust.   
Jensen’s hands gripped him bruisingly, “Look at me, Jared. _Look_ at me.”   
Jared forced himself to comply, and he watched Jensen’s face contort with pleasure as he began to force his knot into Jared’s centre, before pulling it back out, so that Jared was forced to alternately stretch and contract over and over again. Jensen’s thrusts became more and more powerful, forcing Jared to lean back and tightly grip his thighs and his speech devolved into cries and screams of gratification.   
Jensen reared up before flipping Jared onto his back, and the feeling of him moving inside of him, pulling at his tender walls as his knot ballooned, was indescribable. He turned his face into Jensen’s neck, needing to feel and taste the smooth skin that stretched taut as Jensen pounded into him. His hands moved from thick, blonde hair, down broad, muscled shoulders and over a strong, flexing back to a gorgeously taut, round arse. The feeling of Jensen over him and in him, the sound of his heavy breath, interspersed with nonsense words of affection and pleasure, intensified Jared’s feelings of ecstasy and completion.   
“Jared. Jared— _oh god_ —Jared, you feel so good,” he panted, cupping his omega’s face in one large hand.   
Jared moved so that Jensen’s thumb slipped into his mouth, his tongue curling around the pad and his teeth grazing the knuckle. Jensen moved it in and out of Jared’s mouth in a parody of how his sex moved in and out of Jared’s entrance.   
Jensen moved back as he cupped Jared’s cock and balls so that he could look at where they were joined. He gently traced the blood rich, slightly swollen mouth of Jared’s channel, making it quiver slightly around his fat cock.   
“How does it feel?” Jensen whispered.   
“So good,” Jared moaned. “The best thing I’ve ever felt.”  
Jensen moved forwards again, his forearms bracketing Jared’s head and he began to thrust again. Neither of them looked away, and Jared’s legs tightened around Jensen’s waist as they built to a swell of mutual ecstasy. Jensen bit into Jared’s mouth as they flew over the edge together, drowning in wave after wave of orgasming.   
“I love you,” Jensen murmured into Jared’s collarbone. “I love you, Jared.”   
Jared slowly combed his fingers through Jensen’s hair, massaging his scalp every now and then.   
“I love you, too,” he replied. “I’ve loved you since I first met you. I’ll love you until we die.” 

Jensen mouthed at his skin for a while until they both fell into a light doze. When they roused again, Jared went and made them, whilst still naked, ham, cheese and tomato sandwiches. Jensen took two bottles of water from the fridge, and they ate and drank while in bed.   
When they were finished, crumb covered plates on the side table, Jared said, “You know, you didn’t just fuck me during your rut. You and I made love. I don’t want you to think that it was _just_ consensual fucking.”   
Jensen brought Jared’s knuckles to his lips and kissed each one in turn before rejoining, “Thank you. Thank you for everything you did for me.”   
Jared lay down so that his head rested on Jensen’s stomach. He kissed the skin above his navel.   
“I’ll always be there for you, like you’ll always be there for me.”  
“I’d do anything for you.”  
Jared sat up again and kissed Jensen on the mouth. This time he was the one who dominated the kiss, making Jensen yield to him as he slowly stroked his young mate until he was once again fully erect.   
“I’m not done with you yet,” Jared said against Jensen’s lips. “I’ll never be done with you.”  
“Ditto,” Jensen grinned.

 _Fin._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! And thank you to all of you who took the time to leave kudos and to comment: you are lovely!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading. Please leave comments and kudos if you feel so inclined.


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